wow...when did i get SO old?!?

you know, i really don't feel old. they say you are only as old as you feel...not too bad. i can handle that. most of the time i feel more tired than old. some may think that tired/worn out makes them feel old...i just say "i'm a mom" better yet, "i'm a mom of young children" being tired goes with the territory.

there is the occasion where my age does feel a little age-ier than others. graduations for instance. when another school year ends and i hear people remark "wow, can you believe it?? it's been two years since we graduated high school! holy cow!" LOL wow, yeah it's been a few years more than that for me! *chuckle* but then i look at where i am at now, pregnant with my 4th child and a foster mom...i sure as heck hope that it's been a few more years than 2 since my high school graduation! weddings are another things that jolts me. especially when it may be someone who's life i was involved in when i was younger, like as a leader, or worse yet, someone i *gasp* babysat!! heh heh heh...to realise someone i babysat is married, with a kid of their own looking for THEIR own babysitters is a little weird, no?

why the topic of this post you may ask?

well, last week we were talking about birthdays. very timely too. our foster son just had his 8th birthday early in june, our youngest had her 2nd a couple months before that...and we are preparing the kids for the next actual birth day, as it can be anytime this little bundle will join us. i'll be 36 weeks in 2 days! (what with the contractions and other "symptoms" i am having, i am doubting i'll make it much further than that)

anyway, so the kids were reminded that my birthday is coming up here soon too. this is a conversation i had with my 4 year old.

Bekah: how old are you gonna be?
Me: i'm going to be turning 30!
Bekah: (horrified)what??! but that's like past 100!!!

no wonder so many people are terrified of reaching that dreaded 30!

kids...doncha just love their thought process?! :)

what a trip!!

holy cow...the roller coaster ride!

i tell ya what, life is nothing close to boring when you are pregnant and feelings and emotions are amplified! from my whine, pitty fest friday night, elation saturday when my husband returned, worried anxiety sunday, shock and surprise monday, to slightly relieved but mild irritation. LOL

so ya all know about friday...heehee i made it very clear how i was feeling that evening. :) saturday was great, my husband returned and all was well! sunday rolled around and things were slightly different. when i went to bed saturday night, i felt a little off. i was tired, didn't feel quite right and i couldn't get comfortable and that did not provide me with a good night's sleep. i got up in the morning and that "off" feeling continued and worsened. i started to feel worried and horribly guilty. here it is FATHER'S day and i could not dote upon my man! but that wasn't what got me the worst. i started feeling really icky, achy, gassy, contraction-y, dizzy, nauseated...nothing good. (especially for one who has a history of preterm labor) then i got to remembering how i felt the day i went into labor with my first pregnancy. the similarities were too close (except no spotting, thank goodness). the freaking out ensued. i did not go to church. i stayed home and stayed down trying not to think too much on how i felt and read into things too much. i relaxed and wasted some time on facebook via my hubby's 'puter, and relaxed in a bath...where i actually fell asleep. i was given a blessing after my family got home from church...and that really made me feel better. troy took care of me and the kids and made dinner for us. we then got a surprise. one of troy's sisters and her husband who live about 5 hours away was in town and they paid us a visit! it was so nice! by the time they left, kids cleaned up and put to bed and my dinner eaten, i was exhausted. i slept very well that night.

monday really sang a different note! i was still slightly zapped of energy, but feeling SO much better. our foster son's case manager came for a monthly home visit. (she was 1/2 hour late, no surprise, but frustrating because we had swimming lessons) the visit was pretty much same ole, same ole until she started discussing actual progress in the case plan! i knew about SOME of it, but suddenly there was a time frame and a goal for him to be home with his parents!! WOAH!! CPS has been very slow about any progress. we've had our foster son for almost 16 months and there has been little progress allowed by cps. we were expecting very little to change till closer to december. but if all goes according to what was laid out to me, it's quite possible he will not be with us when the upcoming school year starts! i was in shock most of the day!! talk about a turn around!! but let me tell you, this is a GOOD thing!
we are all very happy!

today was interesting too. lance had his first visit with his grandma since restrictions were lessened. while he was with his grandma i had a prenatal appt. i was anxious about this one because of my "excitement" on sunday. i was worried that there might have been a lot of change pregnancy wise...dilation and effacement. hoping not too much, but at the same time...wanting SOME...to know that yeah, i won't be pregnant forever. (i am technically full term in 3 weeks!!) well my dr was concerned when he heard about my symptoms that i had experienced and i was checked. NOTHING! i haven't done ANYTHING!! this does not bode well for me! :P but it's good at the same time. it's looking like i will actually get to that 37 week mark and have my first full term baby...i just hope i will not go to my due date! or else the cute little dress that i picked up at walmart for $3 in hopes that she can wear it home from the hospital would be too small!

LOL!

what a fun range of emotions in such a short range of time huh? :P just thinking about the past few days makes me feel tired!

i think i am gonna take advantage of the fact that the kids are surprisingly still asleep and get some shut eye myself! :)

i hope you all are having days on the happier registers of the emotional scales!

permission to whine pls??

*sigh*

i'm in a funk tonight. i hate this! i feel a lack of energy, a feeling of unspecified sadness, and just an over all little gloomy cloud following me around. blah!

does anyone else get like this from time to time...possibly randomly?? does it get brought on by any certain thing or event?

tonight my husband is not home. i feel very onery and spoiled at the moment. the past 4 years he has had to take a week off of work to spend at camp geronimo for scout camp because he was the 12-13 year old's scout master. don't get me wrong, i support him fully in his duties and assignments...but those were 4 very hard weeks. this year he is no longer the scoutmaster! (yay!) but he does miss it. one of the perks though, is getting back that extra week of vacation! woohoo! but, alas, tonight finds him yet again, at scout camp. LOL it's not bad at all...he drove up right after work and he will most likely be home before lunch tomorrow. not bad at all....not even one day of work off...although he totally would have, had his boss not already taken those days off so he HAD to be there. so now i feel spoiled because i feel sad and missing my man. even if it's one measly night when normally it's a whole week. i'm really not complaining, just stating that i am missing him.

tonight would be a perfect night to clean the house, but i have no energy. it would also be great for indulging in a decadent pint of ben and jerry's and watch my treasured copy of phantom of the opera, but i'd have to take the kids to the grocery store with me, and their abundant energy and their lack of listening skills makes that trip more than unapealing...and the movie just doesn't hold that same tantalization tonight. a good book and a bubble bath would be in order, but i have no more bubble bath and i don't want to start the twilight series again yet... (once i start, i have to read ALL FOUR...and that takes up a lot of time as a busy mommy) i'll save that for when baby time is closer and i can't do as much or if i get put on bedrest. none of my other books are jumping out at me as something that would absorb my attention this evening.

i wanna chat, but i don't know who to call on a friday night with datenight or other things going on...not to mention i don't know how phone chatty i'd be. facebooking would be nice....especially since i haven't been on it for like 3 weeks except for a second to try to draw my friends back to my blog. (is anyone even still CHECKING it anymore?!) but my computer is not fixed yet and this one cannot access facebook. grrr. i can happily waste at least an hour catching up on everything...and then there are the mind numbing quizes that could occupy me...not to mention possible friends online that i haven't seen in years to chat with. *sigh*

LOL i could even blog about past goings on if my computer was fixed...but since i don't even want to try to figure out where the pics are on this one, i want to leave those posts till pictures are available. i can't even find internet pics to liven up my posts, because our filter blocks most of them anyway! gah! can't win for losing eh? :)

okay, i think i am done whining now. and if there ARE any readers out there anymore...let me know. LOL it had ONLY been 2 months...well and several more before that...but still! :P

heehee! let me know i'm still loved!

we're getting there!

can you believe it?! i am 33 weeks along in my pregnancy. and for those who don't know, i am having girl #4! :) we couldn't be happier!

some may think 33 weeks isn't anything huge...that i still have a ways to go...

but in my case, not necessarily so! the furthest i have ever gone in a pregnancy is 36 1/2 weeks! 37 weeks is technically considered full term...that is my goal. i want to go to term...early yes, but to technically not have a premature baby would be nice. (even IF the 36 1/2 week-er was 7 lbs 3 oz...) so as long as i make it to july 15th my goal will be met.

wow, july 15th...that's not so very far away! i thought i would be brilliant and get a head start in preparations. today i went and got out all my newborn girl clothes to see what all i still need. (my other girls were other season babies...one fall, one late fall, and one spring. this is our first summer) i realized real quickly that it wasn't the wisest thing to do for at least another 2 weeks. i am now VERY anxious to meet our little girl. *pout* that's ALL i need...getting anxious now, it;s not so conducive to my goal. LOL

i'll keep ya'll updated! :)

dun dun duuuuun! (aka forboding music) ;)

craaaaazy stuff...



i am sitting here a little bored and a little frustrated. i miss my computer! well...i suppose i AM technically on my computer...



okay, lucy, i'll 'splain..



memorial day weekend we usually go camping with my sister and her family and some friends. we have done this for what? at least 3 years?? that sounds about right. anyway, it's fun and something we look forward to every year. well, this year was sticky...we were asked to dj a wedding reception for some friends of ours and we were beyond happy to do so! then we learned it was the saturday of that holiday weekend. bummer! they told us they could find someone else if we still wanted to go...ahh what to do??! we felt so torn!



well, with the economic down turn, construction is really slow and not so good for people in that field...and thus not so great for my sister's family as that affected them. would they still want (or be ABLE) to go camping this year??! after long, hard deliberations, we decided we were not going to go, but stay and support our friends and "play some funky music". LOL it was fun. preparations were stressful (as always) but it was worth it. i love that dj-ing is one of my husbands talents! he may not be the best one in the world...but i honestly don't know any better! :)



sooo what does this all have to do with my blasted computer??! i'm getting to that part.



with the conveniences with this modern age, come mp3s (and other such music files) so cds are not so much needed. it makes it sooo much easier (cheaper, too, might i add) to acquire certain special songs for occasions. in the past we have had songs that we downloaded on our computer AND brought our plethora of cds too. this time we managed to put ALL our cds on a drive on our computer. it was so nice not having to lug all those around with us!! the reception was great and we all had a blast.



but tragedy struck the next day. sunday morning my husband told me our computer crashed. WHAT?!! it was working just fine all the night before!! he then told me that when he was installing the external drive that all our music was on (it was originally installed on our desktop...and we used the laptops, so needed the drive with the laptops instead) there was some difficulty. there was some errors or it just didn't install properly, i don't know...i'm not the most computer knowledgeable. anyway, so that sunday morning he was trying to UNinstal that drive and that is what did it. bye bye computer. might i mention, my husband is in the computer field...so he knew what he was doing. it did not happen because of lack of knowledge or a dabbler's mistake. but CRAP!! this is nooooo good! not only did i panic at the thought of all our music lost...that is easily attained again, but important files on our computer, and worse yet *gasp* alllllll our digital pics!! we haven't taken many pictures on actual film since our first real digital camera...which we got when bekah was 3 months old! there was like 10 GIGS worth of pic on my computer...and NO BACK UP! oh the horror of horrors! i suddenly felt weak, dizzy, and nauseous. this cannot be happening! there was weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.



but troy, the awesome superhuman he is, immediately began to work on the computer to see what he can do...could it be saved...at least enough to rescue the pictures! and finally, by the end of the day...voila! the computer was up and running....very sluggishly and it all seemed so very wrong...but the pictures were able to ALL be transferred onto troy's laptop. and important files are safely tucked away. holy cow!! i felt like i could breathe again!



actually, the fact that i am still "on" this very computer is amazing. troy needs to go an reformat it...joy! but in the time being it still works well enough to network our other laptop that usually cannot function on it's own. (about 2 years ago it got an accidental bath by a mug of water spilling on it. the screen was permanently affected. it works sometimes but not others. (troy even tried to replace it...but still, the same issues...so probably something like the video card was messed up. *shrug* but that computer works perfectly fine if it's networked and accessed from another. which is what i am doing now. i am using my poor crashed computer to be able to log on to my bathed computer so i can get on the internet to pay bills and get email and such.



so, until troy get's the time (and motivation) to go and actually fix my computer this is what i have to do. which is not all bad...but i don't have access to certain things...like FACEBOOK and blog features. i can usually read and comment on everyone's but i can't access all MY features. soo until my computer is fixed or troy brings his work one home and i can get on his, i just write a post and it will sit in drafts until that blessed day! LOL



and until that time, i cannot take pictures off my camera, cannot post any pictures or anything. *pout*



but i have a computer....and i DO HAVE ALLLL my pics!! so life is good! semi frustrating...but i'll take that happily! :)



so, what's all your biggest computer fears??

caution!...warning!...danger!...beware!

one may notice that pregnancy can bring out the...best...yeah, that's it...in a woman. especially in late pregnancy!!





most people are aware of the dr. jekyll and mr. hyde phenomenon among pregnant women. i have to say, at this point in my pregnancy, my alter ego has been frequenting much more often.



i have found myself more and more often in a very feisty and sarcastic mood. i have the urge to do nothing more than to scoff at people's ignorance, vocalize my annoyance, and to make snarky comments. ahhh i just daydream of letting loose all these desires on some poor unsuspecting person who happens to cross me...



but, alas, my nature doesn't allow this without proper provocation...usually... which is actually a good thing. LOL i can't tell you how many friends and acquaintances i would lose had i not have this powerful mute button when it comes to my knee jerk (but sometimes rather witty) responses to people.



as i sit here and delight at this side of me that is not so very often seen by most people, i am also appalled at it, and afraid of it at the same time. that is not a "me" i like to portray...not a side that i am especially proud of on most occasions.



sooo...if anyone sees me and notices this strange mischievous twinkle in my eye, either run the other direction or break out the duct tape and promptly apply to my soon to be running mouth.







ps...has anyone ever seen a maternity shirt that is that bright yellow caution tape color that says "caution...do not cross" if so, let me know. LOL i think that may be a wise purchase on my part! ;)

*sigh*

okay, yeah so it's been a couple of months since my last post. and that post was pathetic at that. but you know what?! oh well! i just have had no love for blogging. i suppose you can say i lost that loving feeling. not to say that i have lost the love for all my friends out there that i kept in contact via blog...i just hated the thought of sitting down and thinking of something interesting, witty, amusing or anything mildly unboring to post. facebook has been my addiction of choice...much more of a instant gratification thing, and much more response. :) hey, who doesn't love instant validation on what you are doing/feeling?!



i know there is little excuse as to my lack of posts...there has been sOOOoooOOO much that has gone on! holidays, birthdays, pregnancy (might i add, i am near ready to pop...only about a month to go!) drama with kids, court thingies for our foster son, a little get away to cali for just troy and i, school getting out, sicknesses... the list goes on and on!



so yeah, as i regain my seat in the blogging world, as slowly as that will be, if there is anything you guys are curious about, just ask. i may or may not eventually indulge your curiosities of my most often mundane life. but in the time being, check me out on facebook! LOL that's the sure fire way to keep good up-to-date tabs on my comings and goings! <3

:)

hello my dear blog readers! (are there any of you out there anymore?)

it has been a while, my dear friends. i hope you do forgive me!! i am back! i cannot promise that i will always post regularly, but i'll do what i can! i love you and miss you!!